Do you love your grandpa? Do you love his happy, easygoing way? Do you love how he smiles so big every time he sees you?
Why do you think his smile is so big?
Being old means more aches and pains, more difficulty doing simple tasks, more concern about finances, and the fear of death in general. That's a lot of crackers for one person's soup. Someone needs to dip their hands in that soup and fish out some of those crackers.
To put it plainly, your grandpa is happy because he uses a prostitute.
Don't be sad. It's not so terrible. During the day, when the rest of us are at work, he takes the bus downtown to one of the seedier strip clubs, pays $120 for a "VIP" lap dance, and tips the girl an extra $50 for a happy ending. Once he gets to know her better, he probably doesn't have to tip her at all. Most people think prostitutes are bad, but your grandpa knows better. His prostitute, like a nursing home worker, is there to make sure he's happy.
Movies always use stereotypes to portray prostitutes, but your grandpa knows better. His prostitute isn't ugly. She's not missing any teeth. She makes a lot of money for what she does, and she doesn't necessarily spend it all on hallucinogens. She's actually very pretty, but works at the seedier club because she's willing to do more to make money. She's willing to dip her hands in your grandpa's soup. But she loves your grandpa, just like you do.
Well, maybe not just like you do, but you know what I mean.
$160 is a lot of money for an elderly person, but what else do you think he should spend it on? More medication? Boring doctor visits? Soft foods at the supermarket? Bus passes, so he can ride it all day, forcing people to have conversations with him?
So why doesn't your grandpa just get a real girlfriend instead, like the rest of us? Come now, reader. Look at his choices. Wrinkly lady #1, wrinkly lady #2, goiter lady, wheelchair lady who smells, cat pee lady, Alzheimer's lady who never remembers him. Your grandpa doesn't want someone he can have deep, meaningful conversations with. He wants someone he can nail.
It's not like he's young and vibrant like you. He can't go to rock concerts and buy drinks for hot goth girls. He can't go to dance clubs and grind with hoodrats. He can't go to Starbucks and tell naive girls that he works for Ben Affleck. He's your grandpa. He doesn't even know what Starbucks is. He thinks it's a kind of hat.
What your grandpa's doing is illegal, but it's a victimless crime. He's no more harmful to society than cheapskates who read the morning newspaper at the library, or people who keep reusing the same envelope at the post office. If you love your grandpa, you'll love the source of his smile as well as the smile itself. You'll love his prostitute as much as he does.
Not in a physical way, though. You can get your own large breasted Asian woman. Leave his alone.
