Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/toolbarramblings.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/841.php on line 50

Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/toolbarramblings.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/841.php on line 50
<--  
Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader1.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/841.php on line 55

Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader1.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/841.php on line 55
  
  -->

My secretary

original print date, March 20 2006

     
                Paul Ryan

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan isn't available right now. Yes, I'll tell him he missed his meeting with you this morning. Thanks! Bye.

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan isn't available right now. No, he won't be available this afternoon, either. Tomorrow morning might work, but sometimes he's been known to take longer than a day with his "projects". Yes, I'll tell him your daughter's pregnant. I'm sure he'll deny it, though. Okay, I'll let him know you plan to inform the police of her age. Thanks! Bye.

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan isn't available right now. Yes, he's in his office, but he's not available. Why yes, he is masturbating again. He doesn't like to be disturbed while he's doing that. Well I know clients like yourself are important, but he is allowed 14 personal days per year, and today happens to be one of them. Right. I'll tell him the screenplay he wrote needs to have less elderly nudity. Thanks! Bye.

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan isn't available right now. No, I don't think he'd be interested in ordering life insurance. His family hasn't really gained much from him while he's been alive, so he doesn't feel it's necessary for things to change when he's dead. Yes, he is a bit sadistic. Thanks! Bye.

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan isn't available right now. I can take a message, but he probably won't call you back. No, it's nothing personal. He's just lazy and tends to dislike people in general. Yes, I'll tell him he gave you a nonexistent insurance policy number at the accident scene. Yes, I'll also tell him that your daughter is still unable to use her legs. Thanks! Bye.

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan still isn't available. Yes, he's still masturbating. Maybe if you call back in a few hours, he'll be done. I don't know, sir. I don't normally time him. This session does seem to be running a little long, but then again, he might have stopped for a while to watch the NCAA games yesterday. No, he doesn't have a favorite team, he just likes to see the higher-ranked teams lose, and yesterday included both UNC and Ohio State. Few things excite him like the immense failure of people more talented than him. Just try back later, okay? Thanks! Bye.

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan isn't available. I know, I know. Editing his writing can be very troublesome. I apologize on his behalf, and I'll let him know that UPN wants his TV pilot to focus less on Elie Wiesel's view of the Holocaust and more on John Stamos' feelings toward it. Thanks! Bye.

Hello, Mr. Ryan's office. Why yes, he is in, Miss Hewitt. He's very fond of your . . . well no, I was going to say "bosoms". He's never actually seen "Ghost Whisperer". What's that? Oh, I'm sure his willingness to watch your show will depend heavily upon your views toward prophylactic usage. Well, he already has AIDS, so I don't think he'd be too concerned about syphilis. As they say, the more the merrier. I'll tell him you'll be here in 30 minutes. Thanks! Bye.


                           

No database selected