Today, dear reader, is a special edition of our normal letters column. Every letter I print today will be nothing but a slew of vague insults aimed at yours truly. For some reason, I've received a lot of generic insults lately, with none of them referring to any content in particular.
For instance, take this letter from Jenny in Texas.
ur site sucks and so do u.
Thanks Jenny. It's comments like yours that inspire me to create new jokes for this website, like the one below:
I started by writing a response that congratulated you on your whorish obsession with "sucking", but that seemed too easy. So I scratched that idea, and instead searched for a Texas logo that I could attach the "smelly whores" phrase to. During my search, I saw this logo for The Alamo. It seemed funnier. Thus, the "Your Alamo is full of smelly whores" joke was born.
So really, thank you Jenny.
Our second letter, from John in Tempe, AZ, is my absolute favorite. I was unaware that Polish people were so violent. Or that they congregate in Tempe, AZ. In fact, I have trouble believing that anyone would want to live in Tempe, AZ. But then again, John is Polish, so that might explain it.
Dont put shit on peoples pages that Poland is a shitty place. I come and beat the fucking shit out you bitch.
Only if you let me set up a video camera first, because that would be fucking hilarious! No, in all seriousness: I didn't mean to offend the people of Poland. Especially not the ones who for some reason migrated to Tempe, AZ. I wouldn't want to piss off a desert Polack.
Our third letter comes from Ercan in Turkey. I'm going to assume by his name and his trouble with English that he lives in the country of Turkey, and not an actual turkey on a farm in the heartland of America.
hey look me bitch delete all pic from site - fuck you who are you ? bitch of the son
Do people who speak English poorly realize how funny they sound when they try to talk tough? I don't remember posting any photos of "Ercan from Turkey" here, but when you've written 850 columns, how do you really know? I think he has me mixed up with someone else. "Bitch of the son"? If Ercan means "sun" instead of "son", then he's probably looking for John, the desert Polack.
Our final insulting letter comes from George in Truro, Nova Scotia, Canada. George also seems to have trouble with English. Why don't literate people ever get mad at me? Maybe the cold weather in Canada, or the mittens George is wearing, just makes it hard to type.
WHY DO YOU PUT IMAGES OF NAKED POEPLE GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH
How many times must I be accused, dear reader? I've said it a thousand times: I don't make fun of Polish people, I don't post pictures of Ercan from Turkey, and I'm not responsible for the nudity on Google's Image Search. Trust me, I wish I was, but no one has offered me that sort of employment yet.
That pretty much wraps up today's column. The next one will be posted Monday. In the meantime, if you'd like to read some Polack jokes, see photos of Ercan from Turkey, or have a certain pornographic image added to Google Image Search, just send me an e-mail.
