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Is there a third jerk to vote for?

original print date, May 31 2006

     
                Paul Ryan

Todd Frankenburger's education cuts would force thousands of children into prostitution. When Todd Frankenburger changes his car's oil, he dumps the used oil in the ocean. Todd Frankenburger is advocating almost eleventy billion dollars in new taxes. Shank Turdyfurdy is handsome and awesome. Vote Shank Turdyfurdy for governor.


Shank Turdyfurdy's education plan would give students an average IQ of 46, lower than most retards. Shank Turdyfurdy steals aluminum cans from hobos and dumps them in landfills. Shank Turdyfurdy's budget calls for a tax hike of nearly forty bazillion fartillion dollars. Todd Frankenburger is well-liked by trustworthy elderly people. Vote Todd Frankenburger for governor.


In his latest campaign stop at an elementary school, Todd Frankenburger touched children on their shoulders. Todd Frankenburger is a known hemophiliac, which can be spread through the touching of shoulders. Do we really need another politician with roving, child-fondling, diseased hands that won't clot blood? Vote Shank Turdyfurdy for governor.


According to a former classmate, Shank Turdyfurdy performed an act of public urination on April 4, 1973. Shank Turdyfurdy's illegal urination was within 15 miles of a school. A school full of children who didn't want to be near Shank Turdyfurdy's pee. He's already piddled near your children. Don't let him piddle on your state. Vote Todd Frankenburger for governor.


When Todd Frankenburger was eight, his parents gave him a pet goldfish. That goldfish died in a mere two weeks, because Todd Frankenburger is an irresponsible twat with a big fat nose like a dildo. You wouldn't vote for an irresponsible, dildo-nosed twat, would you? Vote Shank Turdyfurdy for governor.


In the second grade, Shank Turdyfurdy ate paste because his friends were doing it. In the tenth grade, Shank Turdyfurdy smoked pot, an illegal drug, because his friends were doing it. You wouldn't vote for a pot-smoking, paste-eating retard, would you? Vote Todd Frankenburger for governor.


If there's one name that's synonymous with AIDS, NAMBLA, and toddlers being drowned in washing machines full of semen, it's Todd "Garbage Dick" Frankenburger. Todd Frankenburger's latest proposal includes eating your wife's pussy while you're at work. Vote Shank Turdyfurdy for governor.


Shank Turdyfurdy is a big fucking asshole. Do we really want a big, stupid fucking asshole to lead this state? One whose breath smells like a fat, hairy cock that hasn't been washed in two weeks? Two fucking weeks! Vote Todd Frankenburger for governor.


                           

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