Have you ever moved to a new neighborhood only to find it overrun with ruffians, whores, and people who use wetnaps for "showering"? Have you ever visited a business in an unknown part of town, an area you didn't think was sketchy, only to find crackheads taking turns pooping in a dumpster?
We've all been in that situation. The good news is that we don't have to be. With my new patented E.P.P. system (Evade Poor People), you can make sure the only poverty-stricken, good for nothing shirkers you'll see will be the ones running away from police helicopters on the local news!
Best of all, the E.P.P. system is absolutely free. All you need is a computer, an internet connection, and Google Maps. With the satellite image technology used by the maps service, you can see whether the neighborhood you're visiting is full of:
- Drifters
- Loafers
- Moochers
- Meanderers
- Dawdlers
- Lollygagging welfare queens
- People who aren't white
- And so much more!
Just click the "Satellite" button on Google Maps and zoom in on the neighborhood you plan to visit. Are the houses crammed really close together? "Look out! There's poor people about!™" Is it right near the intersection of multiple freeways? "Look out! There's poor people about!™" Are there a huge number of cul-de-sacs, and few streets that actually enter the neighborhood, almost as if developers wanted to trap the poor people within so they'd shoot and drink and overdose each other to death? "Look out! There's poor people about!™" Do one of the streets end abruptly at a gigantic dirt patch for no reason whatsoever? "Look out! There's poor people about!™"
It's so easy! With a little common sense and a lot of idle time spent laughing at poor people from afar, you can easily avoid any area that contains people who actually work for a living. Who needs 'em? Poor people are smelly and needy, and have too many kids who are near the same age. Close your legs, poor people! Jeez!
In the past, solutions to poverty were complicated. Getting rid of poor people involved actually making them not poor by providing better schools, livable wages, and safer neighborhoods. These solutions were expensive for everyone. But with the E.P.P. system, you can just ignore poor people completely, letting them rot to death in their stinky little poverty cocoons, just like poor people should.
Wave goodbye to the poor people! Goodbye! They won't be hurting your eyes anymore! Hooray for the E.P.P. system! Finally, middle-class and wealthy people can spend money without being bothered!
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