Gay Superman Returns (2006)

Directed by Bryan Singer Writing credits Michael Dougherty (screenplay) & Dan Harris (screenplay) ...  (more)

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Plot Outline: He's back, and shinier than ever! His crotch bulge is impossible to ignore! His cape is an adorable vinyl shower curtain! He wears the same red hooker boots your ex-girlfriend does! His blue costume is so bright that he looks like the gayest Smurf in history (Vanity Smurf). After a long visit to the remains of his childhood home in San Francisco, the Man of Steel must return home to defend his secret gay identity. "Superman's gay!" the tabloids scream. "The gay director made our favorite superhero gay! No, it's not a coincidence! Every movie directed by a gay person is about gays!" Though Superman is gay, he hides it by dating world-class fag hag Lois Lane for the twenty-billionth time in his life. Nobody seems to notice that they haven't screwed once in 68 years. Can Superman remain in the closet, or will Lex Luther, his ex-lover, "out him" to the masses? This touching tale about choosing between privacy or the freedom to be yourself leaves the audience wondering who to root for. (more) (view trailer)

User Comments:

119 out of 152 people found the following comment useful:-
Superman Returns: The Official Review (spoiler alert!), 18 June 2006

Author: fudgeinspector from Vancouver, BC, Canada

(Spoiler alert!) The scene at the end with Lex Luther teabagging Superman was nice, but where was the imagination? Superman has superpowers, for Christ's sake! I wanted to see Luther giving him a handjob as he flew fast enough to reverse the Earth's spin, or maybe Luther fisting Superman with a Kryptonite glove.

Not that I didn't love the movie. It was great even without that stuff. The moneyshots were well done, with none of the shaky camera problems that amateur point-of-view erotica suffers from. Richard Dreyfuss is especially good as Kitty Kowalski, and you hardly even notice that he didn't shave his trademark beard for the role. I'll bet the hair in his beard smells like pancake syrup. That's the sort of smell you wanna keep around.

Overall, this is a fun movie for the whole family. It teaches good values, and the sex scenes have all the genitalia blurred out, like in Japanese porn. Plus, neither Superman nor Luther spit into their palm before penetration, like in Brokeback Mountain. So the movie's got that going for it. It's one of those movies parents and kids will both enjoy.

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