You may not know this, reader, but I'm a rather large figure in hip-hop culture. It's true. Much like Jay-Z, 50 Cent, or the late Eazy-E, my name commands respect from my brothers in the streets. Except, unlike Eazy-E, I won't die of AIDS.
I'm sorry. That wasn't very nice.
Until today, I wouldn't have felt comfortable making a joke like that, because I wasn't part of the hip-hop community. But everything changed this week with the help of a man named Ray the Wolf. He's a rapper in the Duluth, MN area, and he recently name-dropped me in one of his rap songs. I'm a freaking legend in the hood, y'all.
No, really. I'm not joking. Check out the song "MN Viking" on his MySpace page: http://myspace.com/raythewolf. Usually I'm only popular among junior high school kids, because this column is the closest thing to pornography they can find. But apparently I'm also popular in the very large "rappers from Duluth" demographic.
I know what you're thinking. "A white kid from Duluth rapping? That's ridiculous." Is it really, reader? When you think of rappers growing up in hard times, what's the first location that comes to mind? Compton? Harlem? Detroit? They wish. The real hard times aren't in the ghettos, my friend. They're in Northern Minnesota. Jobs are scarce, the economy is terrible, and Denfeld only won two damn football games all season. Compton's high school football team? They went 8-4. Hard times my ass, Compton.
Seriously though, if some white guy living two hours from the Canadian border was rapping about taconite mines, Finnish immigrants, and homeless people freezing to death in a dumpster behind Curly's Bar, wouldn't you eat that brilliance up faster than a free steak? I would, and I think Ray the Wolf is a man who can create that brilliance for us.
I've already given him three great ideas in that last paragraph, and I have plenty more. For instance, has anyone ever written a rap song about Duluth's poet laureate, Barton Sutter? He's a very nice man, but I'll bet he could kick some major ass if the need arose. Has anyone ever rapped about how the Great Lakes Aquarium is for bitches*? Or about the seedy underground of the Twin Ports area?
*"Bitches" being a general term for suckas**.
**"Suckas" being a general term for douchebags***.
***"Douchebags" being a general term for people who are widely unpopular.
Think about it. What do rappers talk about most? Drinking, drugs, skanky women, and punching white people in the face. The Northland has all those things! Is there anyplace in the nation with a higher percentage of drunks? Is there not a large amount of drugs ported into the northland from Minneapolis and Chicago? Is there anyplace with more slutty young females than Stargate on a Wednesday "dry night"? Is there anyplace white dudes are more likely to punch each other in the face than Superior, WI? I didn't think so.
The region is ripe for rap music's profane, exaggerated tales of hardship. It may not have the violence of Oakland, the drug kingpins of Miami, the degenerates of St. Louis, or the obesity problem of every person in the entire state of Wisconsin, but we can work on that. If I know the Northland area well - and I think I do - then we've got just enough degenerates and bizarre, pale-faced rappers to pull it off.
 |
- Digg this! - | Mail me - | Recommend - | Donate - |  |
Advertisements
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
