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Does anyone out there honestly think a movie starring Steve Martin and Queen fucking Latifah is appropriate? Seriously! If I wanted to watch that, why would I subscribe to Netlfix at all? I could just crap in a paper bag and stare at the turd with binoculars. That way I could not only study each molecule of tripe, but also smell it as well. It would be as if Queen Latifah, the unwiped diva herself, were standing right next to me. Maybe next week Netflix will recommend, "Brown Sugar", another Queen Latifah classic. Or how about "The Bone Collector"? I could fast-forward through all the Denzel Washington parts and watch the four minutes with Queen Latifah everyone in the movie theaters missed when they went to the bathroom. Perhaps I could go old school and watch the 1993 film "House Party 2", back when Queen Latifah was even uglier than she is now. God forbid Netflix would actually pick high quality films I might like. Would it kill them to recommend "Ernest Goes to Camp" or "Slam Dunk Ernest"? Let's compare, shall we?
 Obviously, "Slam Dunk Ernest" is far superior. Ernest is slam dunking a basketball like a madman, while Latifah is standing around looking smelly. Smelly, I tell you! The woman doesn't wipe her ass! Also, "Slam Dunk Ernest" co-stars Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, while "Bringing Down the House" co-stars Steve Martin. Is Steve Martin a five-time NBA MVP? No, seriously, is he? I don't watch basketball. But I don't think he is, people. I don't think he is. To put it plainly, I will never watch "Bringing Down the House" for as long as I live. You could offer to pee in a jar and throw it on George Lucas, and I still wouldn't watch it. Well, I'd watch you throw pee on George Lucas - that bastard is an overrated, arrogant one-trick pony who hasn't made a good movie since "American Graffiti" in 1973 - but I wouldn't watch "Bringing Down the House". I have no interest in seeing 59-year-old Steve Martin act "ghetto", nor do I have any interest in seeing 57-year-old Eugene Levy talk about castrating himself in mid-urination, or whatever random outrageous topic he discusses in this reprise of the character he played in the last 10 "American Pie" movies. I will, however, see the "American Pie" movies if there's non-Latifah boobies in them. HEY! I said non-Latifah boobies. Remember that, Universal Pictures.
To Touchstone Pictures, the makers of "Bringing Down the House": when someone says they'd rather watch another "American Pie" movie than see yours, that should tell you something. Being trumped by "American Pie 6: Stifler Rimjobs Himself" is a major cause for alarm, even when it's just a putz like me saying it.
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Oh hell no. Hell no. Netflix did not just recommend "Bringing Down the House" to me. I pay those bitches $23.20 each month, not just for the DVD rentals, but for appropriate recommendations of movies I might like.
