My Very Own Shitposts

Writing Project -- Rewrite a video game

Dec 022019

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Project: A long-ass video game script
Est. Time: 6-8 months
Actual Time: 47.3 years

I need to modernize my writing. Something new. Newspaper columns and TV scripts are for old geezers, so I'm going to try writing a video game. Specifically, I'm going to write a patch to transform one of my favorite Super Nintendo games, Chrono Trigger, into a modern political farce titled "AOC is Triggered".  

Assuming I can pull this off, your battle party will include AOC, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Robert Mueller and Joe Biden. Locations include Los Angeles [1995 & 2019], Tijuana, Silicon Valley, Washington DC, and our corp-ruled post apocalyptic future. The title image shown is photoshopped. Poorly.

STOP emailing me about squirrels

Aug 102019

Hi. I don't know how you ended up at a squirrel-themed microblog, but I created this exotic shitpost factory as a way to publicly humiliate myself into completing writing projects. The theory is if I don't finish the ideas I brag about here, my fragile ego will motivate me to write. 

If this technique works, I plan to patent it and sit on the roof of my mansion bathed in vantablack, drinking cucumber water served by a robot butler. My cologne will smell amazing, but you'll hardly know it's there.