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Tweets
Tina Fey doing a Garnier commercial feels . . . wrong. 7 hrs ago
The notary who stamped my form is named Judas. Only in Los Angeles would someone name their kid Judas. 15 hrs ago
I used my phone to make an actual phone call today. It felt weird. 19 hrs ago
If there is a hell, I'm pretty sure it involves compiling Android apps all day. 1 day ago
Kinda wanna bang the girl in the commercial though, just so I could say I did. 4 days ago
20 years from now, that shitty "education connection" commercial will still be stuck in my head. 4 days ago
New column is up with all new jokes! Unlike my actual life, which is just the same joke played endlessly. http://t.co/XEZKM1ex 6 days ago
I've got some leftover chocolate cake from dinner. I'm going to do that whole Bill Cosby "chocolate cake for breakfast" bit tomorrow. 1 week ago
Not that it matters these days, but if Ferris Bueller is promoting a car, it should probably be an American one since he's an American icon. 1 week ago
Watching USC & UCLA alumni arguing over who has the smartest people is like watching two eunuchs arguing over who has the biggest dick. 1 week ago